


anticipation.

by bristrandd



Category: 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)
Genre: 911 lone star - Freeform, F/M, Hurt TK Strand, Hurt/Comfort, Lung Cancer, M/M, Tarlos - Freeform, owen is a good father, this hurt to write LOL
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-17
Updated: 2020-03-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:20:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23179876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bristrandd/pseuds/bristrandd
Summary: originally, tk strand hadn't been expecting himself to fall in love with a very hot, caring latino cop the second he arrived in austin, texas nor was he expecting to get heartbroken by him. and his relapse? he wasn't expecting that either. tk strand was anticipating something easy in austin, healing too would’ve been nice.  maybe he should've hoped instead.lowercase intended.
Relationships: Carlos Reyes/TK Strand, Michelle Blake/Owen Strand
Comments: 16
Kudos: 63





	1. prologue - unsteady.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> unsteady; that’s what tk strand is. everything, it’s too much. he can’t comprehend anything and he’s falling apart. he wanted austin as an escape but it’s been anything but that.

today marks the 9th week since captain owen strand and his son, tyler kennedy, has moved to austin, texas. tk was sitting on the kitchen counter, fiddling with his 3/4 filled glass of water, talking to judd, although tyler wasn't listening. tk was in his own world, his own sad, gray sorrow filled world. everything was falling apart for him. a majority of his problems revolved around a fellow police officer the 126 was familiar with - carlos reyes. carlos reyes was a pretty face but he wasn't only that. tk thought he was perfect - scratch that, he _is_ perfect. he's caring, like a huge teddy bear (much like judd, but tk swore he would never mention that mr. ryder had a soft spot for the young firefighter.), carlos reyes has a contagious adorable smile, sex with him has always been a 12/10, he was an amazing cook, gave the best hugs tk has ever received and that's saying a lot since owen strand was his father. tk smiled sadly. 

"pretty boy, you alright?" judd's southern talk had to be tk's favorite thing about him, consistently making fun of him for the way he'd say 'ought' or 'y'all' in a sentence. tk eyes looked up from the floor to meet judd's face. judd's face wore a worried look which made tk swallow hard. 

"yeah, cowboy, i'm okay," tk reassured, adding a smile to his act. judd nodded and pulled the pot filled with slightly overcooked spaghetti off the stove and shut it off, and then turned around and placed the burning pot on the counter that tk was sitting on.

"whatever you say, princess. you ought to tell me later, though." judd smiled softly at tk, giving him a pat on the shoulder before yelling out, "dinners ready!" tk hopped off the counter and began grabbing cups from the cabinets, ruminating. 

how could he be so stupid? falling in love with a cop who would never feel the same way towards him - god, how dumb he was. why would carlos, the literal definition of perfect, like a mess like him? tk was so fucked up, he was almost 100% positive no one could ever love him and alex proved that. tk hadn't been enough for the man and alex was damn near perfect. tyler told himself he wouldn't do this. he told himself he wouldn't fall in love so quick but with carlos? he has no clue what happened and he hates himself for it. 

"so," mateo started. "what did big boy judd make us tonight?" owen laughed at the comment and helped paul and marjan bring the food towards the table. 

"made us some overcooked spaghetti, it looks like," owen commented. judd shook his head. 

"it ain't my fault, cap. your boy was distracting me." tk rolled his eyes at judd's reply. judd was going to get it later and tk promised himself that. 

"actually, you were the one distracting me. you were acting like a big teddy bear," tk teased. judd clenched his jaw and tk raised his hands jokingly in defense. "oh, i'm sorry! he was being very scary, i'm terrified, please don't hurt me!" the others laughed as judd rolled his eyes and finished serving everyone their food, and gave tk a very minimal amount of pasta. 

"you just watch princess, i'll make you regret that," judd threatened. in response, tk threw him one of his smug smirks along with his classic wink. 

"you wouldn't dare," tk provoked. 

"like hell i will." 

"okay, okay boys," owen chuckled, gesturing his hands to calm them down. "settle down and dig into judd's amazing food!" paul let out a laugh. 

"cap, you're funny." judd shot paul a death glare and everyone began eating, surprised at judd's cooking skills. they figured he was taught a couple of lessons by his wife, grace. everyone in the 126 knew she was a fantastic cook. 

_"do you?”_

_"you know i'm holding a dart."_

_"and i'm packing a piece," carlos immediately replied. what a fuckin' smart ass, tk scolded in his mind. although, he had to admit, it was hot. very, very hot._

tk soon was lost in his thoughts again. he couldn't stop thinking about carlos. carlos reyes, the man who was his support system for a couple of weeks. carlos reyes, the man who arrested him. carlos reyes, the man he hooked up with in only the second week of arriving to austin. 

dammit, why does tk do this to himself? beat himself up over his dumb mistakes? tk sniffled, attempting to swallow back the tears that were daring to spill into his eyes and flow smoothly down his soft cheeks. he took a bite of judd's pasta, attempting to swallow down his pain with the food. 

he would kill for some opioids right now. 

**aaa**

paul strickland didn't grow up in the best home, the best neighborhood, and that was a fact. since paul had simply always been in danger, he had to learn how to protect himself. he taught himself to figure out the other person before they found out who he was. paul had to see if they were a threat or not. ever since he's developed this ability, it's been so easy to read others, to see through them. so reading tk strand? it had been pretty simple. paul could tell his brother was upset, but paul barely knew tk -- well, he knew him but not well enough to determine what bothered him, didn't know what exactly struck a nerve. 

the alarm had rung and everyone immediately ran into the truck, situating themselves before driving off to their call. 

"you know judd, if i didn't know any better, i'd say that grace came over and made our dinner then dipped. but since, it was overcooked, clearly it was impossible," marjan toyed. 

"i hate you all," judd said. judd thought all of them were little shits, annoying bastards. 

"nah judd," paul spoke up. "you love us." 

"yeah, yeah." and that had been the end of the conversation, a few words exchanged before they arrived to their call. nothing major, though. a 30-something old woman had crashed into a pole and knocked herself unconscious and the call had been made by a passing car. the 126 instantly got to work, pulling out the jaws of life and rescuing the woman. michelle and her team showed up and the lady ended up fully recovering. 

on the ride home, paul managed to pay more attention to tk than before. the young firefighter had been staring out the window, hands shaking slightly. paul wonder what was upsetting him and he didn't know if he should push it or not, but it looks like tk needs a friend, someone in his corner right now, so paul decided on when they got back to question him. 

the ride back had been silent, not anything awkward but almost a somewhat comforting silence. tk was glad since he didn’t have to talk, he almost didn’t have the energy to. tyler couldn’t stop overthinking about that night. that night where tk accidentally discovered carlos and another man. the night where tk broke his own heart. carlos wasn’t his. tk made it clear he didn’t want whatever they had. carlos had been free to fuck whoever he wanted to, so why? why did he wish that carlos wasn’t with anyone? why did he suddenly want to murder ethan? 

tk had hopped out the truck when paul slammed the door shut and grabbed tk by the arm. tk looked at him confused. 

“what’d i do now?” tk chuckled. it sounded so fake - it was so damn fake. 

“you didn’t do nothin’, teek,” paul said. concern and worry filled paul’s beautiful brown eyes. 

“well, i’m getting major deja vu from this.” tk had been referring to the silo accident where judd and tk had gotten into a fight and paul and mateo had to seperate them. then, tk went out and started a bar fight which ended up him getting arrested but no one knew about that. 

“what’s wrong?” paul dropped the question and it seemed to stun tk. 

“w-what?”

”you heard me tk, what’s wrong? something’s bothering you, i just haven’t figured that part out yet.” paul could see that tk swallowed hard at that. 

“nothing, what could be wrong? surprisingly, today’s been pretty good, i’m just a bit tired,” tk lied. straight through his teeth, like he was used to it. maybe he was. 

“are you sure? i mean, you’re my brother and if you need anything, i got you. we all do.” paul’s words have been reassuring and tk almost gave in. almost went sobbing full on into paul’s arms about carlos, about his cravings for the stupid small white pills, how much he’s failed his father. tk just shook his head. 

“i’m okay paul, don’t worry. i think i’m gonna go take a nap because damn, has today been exhausting.” paul nodded at tk and cursed himself for letting the boy go but he knew tk was strong. he’d figure himself out, he’s got this. 

or so he thought. 

**aaa**

officer carlos reyes; a smoking hot latino cop. stellar at his job, got all the ladies and the men, an angel, a cook. one thing though, carlos didn’t date often, so if he found interest in you, then you were a lucky motherfucker. tk strand knew that, yet he still made the stupid mistake of letting carlos go. what an idiot. 

hookups to carlos though? those had been somewhat of an exception. usually, 2-3 times a week, he’d pick out a guy at the bar and do a quickie with him or take him home. depends. a majority of those hookups didn’t mean shit. until he hooked up with tk strand. now that time, when he was pounding tk into his couch, tk’s nails scratching his back, that meant everything to him. 

the men he picked out, they were attractive. usually an 8/10. but tk strand? holy shit. carlos has never seen a man more pretty than he was. none of them could ever compare to tyler kennedy strand. 

tk strand, a 26 year old male. fine as fuck and a firefighter. shit, him being a firefighter made him so much hotter than he already was. tk, although, had some problems and carlos could see that even before tk was arrested. he could still remember the feeling of guilt when tk opened up to carlos, talking about his relapse, his addiction to substances. carlos felt bad for tyler, but he knew tk didn't like him back.

so, in result, there carlos was, doing another quickie with another guy when the last person carlos wanted to see; tk strand. walked straight into the bathroom to throw up but as he saw the male pinned up against the wall, carlos could see tk fall apart on the inside. tk stumbled backwards, almost completely falling before he ran outside and leaving the bar.

carlos regrets not running after tk, but what did he care? carlos almost felt bad for being so coldhearted towards him but all tk ever did was fuck with his feelings, so maybe tk deserved some of his own medicine.

carlos hates himself. he can see the pained glances tk would give him if they were on the same call. tk wasn't there. yes, tk was there, physically but mentally he wasn't and carlos could see that. he could see that he hurt tk. he cursed himself.

carlos couldn't get tk off his mind, as if it wasn't obvious enough. carlos felt as if he owed tk an apology, but for what? carlos didn't do anything. for all carlos knows, he's single so he has the freedom to blow whoever he wants.

carlos sighed as he got into his police car. he had to drive down to ladder 126 to talk to captain strand about what happened on a call that the man had attended. he needed as much information as possible in order to complete his paperwork and get his shift done and over with. 

carlos’ was anxious and he knew why. his chances of running into tk strand? those were high. his stomach bubbled with fear. he had turned on the radio to calm him nerves when “fine line” by harry styles came on. 

“fuck,” carlos muttered before slamming his palm down on the volume button, shutting it off. that had been tk’s favorite song. he can vaguely remember tk talking about it at the boba shop before they talked about the elephant in the juice box. he learned that whenever something was bothering tk or that he had to talk about something important but attempted to postpone it, he’d rant a lot. 

sooner than carlos anticipated, he was at ladder 126. he clenched his jaw, swallowed his pride and got out his car, notepad in hand. he closed the door and began walking into the station. the first person he saw had to be the person he was dreading to see; tk strand. dammit, why couldn’t it have been owen? carlos sighed when he saw tk get up and go upstairs. thank god. 

he then saw judd and smiled to himself. 

“judd, hey!” judd turned around and smiled at the other man. 

“hey carlos. what brings you here?” carlos shifted the notepad in his hand and then looked down at it when he saw tk return with a bucket. god dammit teek. 

“i was looking for captain strand. have you seen him anywhere?” carlos asked. he hoped owen was here. he just wanted to go home and sleep this entire day away. 

“uh, i have not. why don’t you ask pretty boy over there?” judd questioned, referring to tk. carlos almost bit his tongue. 

“well, alright.” carlos could hear his heart bang and pound against his rib cage. his breathing picked up. why the hell was he so nervous? carlos raised his shoulders up and walked over. 

“tk, have you seen captain strand?” tk didn’t look at him and carlos was about to speak again when tk spoke up. 

“no. he’s at chemotherapy,” tk’s voice was flat. it sounded as if he smoked about 10 packs of cigarettes in the last 4 hours. tk cleared his throat and began scrubbing harder as obvious tears welled up in his eyes. 

carlos could feel his heart tear into pieces. he wanted nothing more than to pull tk into a hug and hold him until he was okay again. he wanted to stroke his hair. he wanted to whisper soft, encouraging words into his ears as he kissed the top of his head. 

fuck. carlos couldn’t let himself feel this way. tk doesn’t like him back. tk doesn’t want carlos near him. tk doesn’t want any involvement with him. 

“well, uh, do you have any idea of when he’s coming back?” carlos asked as soft as possible. he didn’t know what to do. what the hell do you do in a situation like this? carlos has no other choice but to just leave tk alone. carlos could feel his heart sink into his stomach. 

“no.” and then tk walked off. not even bothering to finish cleaning the rest of the truck. 

“tk-” judd attempted calling after his kid brother, but he was only ignored. “carlos, i’m so sorry. i don’t know what’s gotten into him lately with him havin’ a stick up his butt. i feel like this whole his dad having cancer is takin’ a toll on him and it’s ought to be soon before he pounces on me again.” carlos nodded and thanked judd before he left the station and began sobbing in his police car. 

carlos couldn’t take it anymore. he wanted nothing more than to be able to call tk strand his boyfriend, his baby. he thought tk would come back to him and tell him he loves him and wants him but he only anticipated it would happen. it never did. carlos knew that him ever getting tk back was such a slim chance and he knew it was time to move on; to let go. 

carlos sniffled and wiped his eyes before getting back onto the road, driving off into the distance and abandoning his feelings for the firefighter behind.

 **aaa**

tk strand was unsteady. his mental health was very poor. tk knew he was unsteady, he knew he was ill. as tk got into the bathroom, he slammed the door shut, locking the door before he slid down and began sobbing. 

it was all too much. _way too much_. tk couldn’t take it. it had all been too soon. he failed his dad 9 months ago. he relapsed and he knew his dad was upset with him. tk didn’t have the heart to tell his dad about his cravings, about the times he almost ingested another opioid. his cancer, his dad was dying. he knew that his dad was gonna get worse and he can only get worse to get better but _shit_. it hurt tk to see his dad hunched over the toilet, spilling his guts out. it hurt to see him get random cough attacks. 

it also hurt to see carlos. he was still in love with him. his feelings getting stronger every time he saw him, every time he thought of him. he could still remember everywhere carlos touched him. he could still remember the food he’s given him. he could still remember the words he told tk. the words that tk couldn’t comprehend because of alex. 

and fucking alex. alex hurt him the most. alex was always the reminder that tk needed to be independent, dragging tk away from his father. alex was always the reminder that he was a freak for being addicted to opioids. alex was always the reminder that tk wasn’t enough, enough for anyone. alex was always the reminder that tk deserved the way he was treated and he would always remember the times alex hit him for something stupid he did or a joke he made. 

tk was unsteady and he wasn’t sure that he’d ever be the same again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi everyone! this is my first work and i’ve spent a lot of time working on this chapter. i’m hoping you enjoy and if there’s any spelling errors or any errors whatsoever, please let me know! also, i apologize if it’s confusing at any point in this chapter.
> 
> love you all,  
> bria.


	2. chapter one - unwilling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> owen strand knew something was up with his son and he was met with much disappointment when he finally understood his son won’t open up to him anymore. paul concern for tk grows more and more and tk? well, he's in his car, loosing his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bold text - thoughts.  
> italic text - a flashback or memory.

tk strand was stubborn and his father knew that but when owen tried to make tk tell him what was wrong, owen had been shut out completely. this action made owen panic. his son was backsliding into his old habits and owen knew it was almost that time when tk would start using again. he knew tk was strong but he also knew that tk was at the point where he no longer gave a fuck. he walked into his office as his son slept in his bed, buttercup at his feet. he knew they were safe along with his family but owen didn’t feel like they were safe. he wanted to keep an eye on tk for as long as possible. 

owen rubbed a hand down his face. he was exhausted but he couldn’t sleep. his brain wouldn’t shut up for a second and he cursed himself for being unable to rest. he pondered hard about what could be making tk so upset, so depressed. he knew alex was apart of it. tk still hasn’t been over alex — well, tk no longer loved alex. but something about alex was bothering him and tk never truly told owen everything about what was going on with alex, so owen had no clue. owen also didn’t know that tk felt like a burden, a failure, to him. and carlos reyes, well, that’s a whole other story. 

owen clicked his pen to attempt to calm himself down. he was driving himself crazy. his son was his world, his top priority. his world was sad, his world was in desperate need of help. and owen would do anything to save the boy. _his boy_. 

even though it was 3:31 a.m., owen decided on phoning tyler’s therapist. maybe she knew something about it. the phone rang a couple of times and was surprised when dr. nicole answered. 

“owen?” she asked. her voice was filled with exhaustion. shit, he must’ve woken her up. 

“dr. nicole! i’m so sorry, did i wake you up?” owen spun around in his chair, playing with the cord to the phone as he looked over at the fire trucks. 

“yeah, you have but that doesn’t matter. i haven’t heard from you in a while. what’s the occasion?” dr. nicole’s voice was lovely. such a sweet sound to listen to. 

“i was actually calling about tk. i mean, of course. but has he told you anything recently? he’s been really distant and i can tell he’s falling back into his old habits and that scares me,” owen explained. his breath felt as if it was caught in his chest. 

“oh, he has? tk told me he was getting better — much better. that’s why he left.” owen choked on his spit. 

“i’m sorry — what? what do you mean he ‘left’?” owen didn’t know how to feel. tyler has been lying to him. tyler has been lying to him for god knows how long. damn, was owen going to talk to him about this in the morning. 

“well, around 5 weeks ago, tk told me that he felt better, much happier. something about an officer, to be honest with you, he was speaking too fast i couldn’t understand. he told me farewell and left. he also said that you were okay with him leaving and that’s why he’s quit,” dr. nicole was confused. why was owen so shocked?

”you’re - you’re kidding.”

”i’m afraid i’m not, owen. is something wrong?” 

“he lied to me,” owen flabbergasted. he sat back in his chair and clenched his jaw, running a hand through his hair and shook a few strands of loose hair off his cold fingers. 

“i’m confused. what’s going on?”

”nancy, do you mind if i talk to you about this tomorrow? i need to think this over and you need to get back to sleep.” 

“of course owen. goodnight.” 

“goodnight nancy,” owen said as he slammed the phone down. he exhaled hard. it was becoming hard to breath and he felt a coughing fit creeping up on him. he tried to inhale but it resulted in him coughing hard into the crook of his elbow. the coughing fit lasted for around 4 minutes before passing and owen didn’t know how to feel anyone. he was confused. he was angry. and most of all, he was exhausted. 

**bbb**

the next morning has arrived and they went throughout the night without a call. these type of shifts were very rare so the 126 took it into consideration. owen rubbed his eyes and found that he had been in judd's bed. he was confused on how he got there but then realized judd most likely brought him here. owen had turned himself over to look at the bedside alarm clock. 11:57 a.m. it had read. fuck, owen was late for his chemotherapy appointment. tk knew he had one, why the hell didn't he wake him up? he grunted in annoyance and told himself to find tk first. he rubbed his eyes and sat up, shoving off the covers and searched around the living quarters before hearing laughs and shouts from the kitchen. he smiled to himself, damn does he love his family. owen had arrived in the kitchen seeing that everyone had been there. 

"hey guys," he greeted. his family stopped and looked at him. 

"hey cap," judd welcomed with a smile. the rest have said their hello's. 

"tk, kid, can i talk to you about something?" owen didn't forget about his call with nancy, he could never. especially since tk's been lying to him for so long. it bothered him, bothered him more than it should. of course, parents will get upset when their children lie to them but tk? owen can't recall more than 3 times that tyler has lied to him. tk looked at him uneasy but nodded. 

"yeah, what's up dad?" tk placed down his coffee and walked over to him. owen cleared his throat, swallowing and looked tk dead in the eyes. 

"why'd you lie to me?" he could see that tk clenched his jaw, his eyebrows raised at the question. 

"wha - what'd i lie to you about? i didn't lie to you about anything dad." dammit teek, another lie? seriously? owen rolled his eyes. 

"you said you've been seeing dr. nicole and i find out last night that you quit, that you said i let you quit. what the hell is that tyler kennedy." tk flinched when his name was mentioned. "seriously, what's been going on with you lately?" tk just shrugged, eyes no longer looking at him. he was glaring at the floor, his posture slumped. he's been caught, he's in trouble - he disappointed his father again. his heart fell to his stomach and he suddenly gotten the feeling of him having to throw up. 

"dad, look i can explain - i -" 

"no, tk. you're grounded." the two strand's must've forgotten that their team was behind them and when marjan snickered at the fact that tk's grounded, they've realized. 

"teek, how'd you manage to get grounded? ain't you like 26?" judd asked. tk inhaled a shaky breath and just shrugged. fuck, wasn't he falling apart. owen ignored his crew. he swore they were kids sometimes with the way they acted. 

"you aren't aloud to leave the house without my permission, understood?" 

"dad, this is bullshit. you're literally puttin' me on house arrest!" tk argued back. he saw his dad shut his eyes and knew he fucked up. **god dammit, why can't you do a single thing right?** tk cursed himself. **all you're doing is putting pressure on daddy. all you're doing is being a burden to him. i bet daddy wishes he never found us. i know i do.**

"i said, do you understand?" owen's tone was triggering something within tk, and shit, he knew he was going to breakdown over it later. 

_"tk, what the hell! you were out with another guy? are you cheating on me or something?!" alex yelled at tk. tk's nose was bleeding and cuts and bruises littered his face. alex seemed to not care that his partner was in pain._

_"alex, baby i swear, it was_ nothing _like that, okay? he's just a friend, i swear!" alex came closer to tk's face, eyes hard and if looks could kill, tk strand would be lying on his apartment floor, dead._

_"i don't want you seeing him anymore. is that understood tk?" alex's voice gotten deeper and tk could feel that alex wanted to hit him._

_"alex-"_

_"i said, do. you. understand." now alex was all up in tk's personal space, making tk back up against the wall. tk's eyes watered with fear._

_"yes," he whispered._

_"yes what?"_

_"yes, sir."_

"yes daddy. i understand," tk's voice was really quiet that owen had to strain his ears to hear him. tk then walked past owen and gathered his stuff and left the station. owen sighed. what has he done? 

**bbb**

"oh my - carlos!" ethan moaned, his hands making their way to his shoulder, managing to pull carlos closer to him. carlos grunted, spikes of white pleasure shooting throughout his 6'1 foot body. 

"fuck, you're so tight." damn, did carlos sound sexy as hell right now. carlos kept on thrusting into ethan's tight ass, which gripped perfectly around carlos' dick. ethan cried out as carlos hit his prostate. 

"god, carlos, yes right there! i - i - fuck!" ethan moaned out and dug his slightly long nails into carlos' back. carlos began thrusting faster into ethan which resulted in both of them releasing themselves. after a minute, they both had came down from their highs, panting hard. 

"shit, that was amazing," carlos said. ethan laughed, nodding in agreement. carlos immediately noticed that ethan wasn't getting dressed and ready to run out the door like tk always would. 

"yeah, it really was." 

"you aren't going to leave?" carlos questioned, confused. he was so used to tyler leaving after sex that when ethan didn't do it, he took offense. ethan had already been better than tk. 

"no," ethan started. "why would i?" ethan gave carlos one of his classic smiles before pulling the blanket over them and snuggling into carlos' chest. carlos heart stuttered at that as he could feel his cheeks heat up. 

"i don't know," carlos replied, rubbing his hand up and down ethan's arm, something he'd always do to tk. carlos couldn't admit it but he misses tk. but with ethan in his life now? he doesn't need tk anymore. and tk made it clear he doesn't want anything serious, so why stay in love with him? carlos smiled to himself, he can finally move on. 

**bbb**

paul spoke up as he watched tk walk out, "what was that about cap?" owen solemnly watched tk get his shit gathered and leave the station. he was dumbfounded. he wasn't anticipating that and now he's worried. tk seemed really upset but tk needs to understand his side of the story. 

"i don't know. i should go get him and-" judd cut him off. 

"just let him go cap, he needs time. trust me, when grace gets upset with me, she reacts the same." owen looked uneasy. he was too worried that tk would relapse yet again - of course, he knew tk was strong and that he believed in him but owen was always on the edge whenever tk was upset and never told him what was wrong. he listened to judd though, because he knew that whenever owen gets mad, he says stuff he doesn't mean and neither him or tk needs that right now. 

"yeah, ok. i'll let him go." 

paul strickland was desperate. he needed to know what was wrong with tk, and if tk didn't tell his father what was wrong, he has to tell someone. he can't just keep everything bottled up inside, right? paul clenched his jaw. what triggered tk so bad? damn, he wish he knew so he could just beat up whoever was making him upset. paul feels for the man, he wants him to know he's there for him without ticking tk off. he was there for him when he needed it and paul needed to repay his respect. maybe carlos knew. he seems close to tk. paul can vaguely remember tk gushing to him about carlos, like he was in love. 

_"paul, i feel like a little girl in grade school with a crush," tk stated, throwing himself down on the coach, laying his arms behind his head. paul looked up from his book and chuckled._

_"what happened now, teek?" tk smiled, a small blush crawling up onto him._

_"carlos," he replied, dragging out the 's'._

_"ooo," paul hummed. "what happened? tell me everything." tk smiled even bigger._

_"so, he invited me to dinner and i accepted. and then, he made me his grandma's recipe for tamales. damn, were they good. oh! and then he was telling me about his day and stuff and we talked for like what felt like minutes but ended up to be 3 hours. i then had to leave to make it home before dad started to worry. he kissed me goodbye. paul, he kissed me! oh my, i feel like i'm falling love," tk ranted. his stomach felt funny, a good funny. paul smiled at him, seeing how happy the two were when they went to the bar together. he was happy for his brother._

_"aww," paul purred. "so, are y'all together yet or what?" tk sighed at that._

_"i don't know. i mean, we've been seeing each other for the past like two weeks, we hooked up at one point too but we haven't put a label on it yet."_

_"oh."_

_"yeah. i'm kinda scared, though," tk said. it was an accident. tk didn't mean to start talking about his inner demons but he did._

_"oh? how come tk?" tk rolled his neck._

_"well, before dad and i came here, i went through a bad break up. like - like nuclear bad. i hate talking about it but it just scares me. my ex and i have been together for two years and he just, he ended it. just like that. like two years went to fuckin' waste. i don't want that to happen to carlos. i can't loose him. i told him i wanted to take it slow and he's been obligating to it, in a way."_

_“oh, i understand. and you’re ex - how have you been holding up about him?” he heard tk sigh heavily._

_i don’t know anymore, to be honest with you paul. it’s like i have carlos in a way, right? so why am i so like... attached to him? and i get so pissed at myself because i remember something and i just spiral again. it’s stupid, i know.” paul could see he was stressed and uneasy. paul looked at him sadly, he knew how he felt._

_“i know buddy. my girlfriend and i - well, my ex girlfriend - we had a good thing going but her parents found out i was trans and stripped her away from me. almost a year and it had been my first relationship and i was heartbroken over it. i swear teek, i was depressed as ever. i told my parents about it and they said it was stupid to be upset over that.” paul felt shocked, he’s never told anyone this before but with tk? it was so easy. so easy to tell him his story, his pain. he felt a strong connection. tk laughed._

_”i still remember my first boyfriend and our break up. we got into some argument, i don’t even remember what it was but it was so stupid. he ended up breaking up with me and his friends jumped me the next day after school. i came home all messed up and that’s how my dad found out i was gay.” paul swallowed. he understands. people used to beat him up or attack him when they found out about him being trans._

_“was school tough?” paul asked. it was a stupid question._

_“yeah. it might have been the hardest thing i’ve ever done. i ended up dropping out. my mom didn’t think it was a good idea but it didn’t affect me. she was the one who left us, so she doesn’t matter to me anymore,” tk paused. “she also tried to get me into conversion camp when she found out i was gay. she tried putting me up for fuckin’ adoption paul. i still don’t know why daddy married that women; she’s crazy.”_

paul smiled sadly at the memory. by the time paul snapped out of his thoughts, everyone was nearly finished with breakfast and headed out to go home since their 24 hour shift was over. finally. paul can go home and relax with his cat. paul missed roofus and he knew the mess he was most likely going to come home to. 

everyone said their farewells and planned to meet up in the bar later. 

what a bad decision that would be.

**bbb**

after tk stormed off, he got into his car and drove as far away from austin as he could. before he knew it, he ended up in the middle of nowhere and he was lost. he took this time, all alone, and finally broke down. harsh sobs wracking his body making him shake and making it hard to breathe. the low hum of “the night we met” by lord huron played throughout the speakers of his car as he cried harder. he banged his head against the steering wheel as he lifted his hand up to his mouth, covering his shaking lips. tears escaped his eyes, cascading down fast. his heart was beating fast, making it harder to hear since it was pounded in his ears. 

he couldn’t calm down. he didn’t have control. 

he wanted carlos. 

he _needed_ carlos. 

“fuck!” he yelled as he threw his fit. he was so mad, so sad, so hurt, so _confused_. 

he felt greedy and selfish for wanting someone he shoved away. carlos though, how does he feel? does he miss him? is he happier? tk hopes he’s not. he doesn’t mean it in a rude way, he just wants carlos. he wishes he never said shit at the boba shop. the thing that fucked up everything. tk let out a shaky breath and attempted to inhale again but failing.

he couldn’t breathe. he was drowning in his own tears, it seemed like. 

he gasped out, his heart managing to beat faster now. tk’s body grew tired as his breakdown soon came to an end. tears still falling out of his green eyes, he yawned and fell limp in his car seat, “the night we met” still softly playing in the background.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi everyone! i hoped you enjoyed this chapter even though this chapter is actual garbage. i might end up editing it to yk, make it flow better. chapter two will be better, i promise! please let me know if i made any errors throughout the story. anyways, hope y'all are feeling well nd staying safe -- especially w everything thats going on. 
> 
> love you all,  
> bria.


	3. chapter two - let's go back to new york, yeah?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tk strand missed nothing more than the big city of new york. the bars, the men, the lights and pretty views. he misses the big city where he didn't know who carlos reyes was.

when tk strand finally arrived home from his breakdown which took place previous hours ago, he was met with an owen strand who didn't look like himself. tear marks where visible on his face, his eye bags were huge and his hair wasn't styled which means he hasn't gotten ready since he was at the fire station in the morning. 

"daddy?" tk asked as he closed the door, his hands were shaking, a small bag filled with pills were shoved away in his pocket. they hadn't been visible to owen so he didn't realize what happened. but tk knew exactly what happened. he relapsed. again. fuck him for being so weak. stupid, what a moron. owen looked up at him, eyes wide and voice shaky. 

"t - tk?" owen got off his seat and ran over to his boy and hugged him tightly. "i was so worried." owen could slowly feel tk wrap his hands around him, hands still trembling. "are you okay? did you take anything? where'd you go?" tk smiled sadly and shook his head. he lied but owen didn't know. owen didn't need to know. tk has it under control this time. he wasn't going to use again after this. 

"i went to some corn field thing. but i'm fine. and i'm sorry for lying, that wasn't right of me." how ironic, right? apologizing for lying but then still, lying. tk didn't mean to, though. he didn't mean to continue lying but it came with ease. he promised he'd just lie about the pills. daddy didn't deserve to know, he doesn't need this bullshit on his plate. 

"it's okay, just don't do it again, alright? and i'm sorry, too. i shouldn't have yelled at you." tk nodded before biting his lip. he had been planning on asking his dad when he got home from the corn field. he knew this is what he needed, not what he wanted yet he still doesn't know if it's the best decision. alex was in new york and even though the chances of tyler running into alex were slim, he was afriad of revisiting the places they went. he was scared of the memeories, though he knew, if he went back he'd get closure. it doesn't make sense but in tk's mind, it was for the better. he'll come back when he's ready. tk exhaled, here goes nothing. 

"hey dad, i was wondering if uh, maybe i could go back to new york? not to live there permanently but to just visit. i miss my friends, our old crew, you know? and i feel like i'll get closure there if i went back. if i were to go back, maybe i'll abandoned the memories, the pain there," tk rendered his short speech. owen looked at him warily. tk sighed, defeated. "damn, you think this is a bad idea, huh?" owen shook his head no. 

"i'll consider, but if you go, i need you to update me on everything," owen paused. "and don't lie. i'll face time you everynight before i go to sleep. and no funny business, tk." owen was serious about this. even though he trusts tk, he didn't think tk was going there for good things. 

"i know, i will. don't even worry about it, dad." tk was sincere about this. he was gonna tell his dad everything that happened but tk isn't stable and he knows that. so with his fucked up mindset, with his cravings, his itches for a mental escape, what's going to make him stay out of trouble in new york? owen smiled at him. 

"good. but..." owen trailed off. tk bit his upper lip. 

"but?" 

"i'm taking you back to your thearpist. and i'm going to be there, just like you attend all my chemotherapy sessions. and there's no ifs, ands, or buts tk. what you did was so unacceptable, i'm somewhat ashamed of you but you should've told me you wanted to leave, i would have let you. why didn't you tell me?" tk could feel embarrassment crawl up his spine as he looked down on the floor. he winced sightly, hearing that his father was ashamed of him. 

"i don't know. i just - i don't know dad." owen sighed at tk's response. 

"okay, son. are you going to The Hole in the Wall tonight with the rest of us?" owen asked lightly. tk smiled at him. 

"sure, i don't see why not." damn, what a mistake. 

**ccc**

mateo was internally freaking out, pacing back and forth around his small living room, he ran a hand through his soft locks of dark brown hair. in an hour, he'd be going with the 126 to The Hole in the Wall. It hadn't been the best but it was decent enough. 

"should i buy her a drink? no, she wouldn't like that. oh my, what if i ask her to dance? but shit, what if she doesn't want to?" mateo has fallen for marjan since the second he's met her and him trying to convince himself he can't like her was failing, miserably. he knows marjan wouldn't like him back, why would she? mateo is dyslexic, somewhat slow and he's flunked the same test four times. 

mateo, though, is so much more than that, he just doesn't know. but either way, mateo was still freaking the fuck out. he's signally decided to admit his feelings for her tonight at the bar and when she turns him down? he's going to get pissed drunk and forget about everything that happened. he still needed to look nice because it's marjan and he had a little hope in his heart that he could sweep her off her feet at some point this night. 

"what do you think, buddy?" mateo looked over to his pet iguana, who stayed silent and continued crawling around in his cage. he smiled softly at him before walking over to his room. mateo estimated that he spent around an hour picking out an outfit because before he knew it, he had 24 minutes until they agreed to meet up. he sighed and setteled with a dark green shirt and some jeans, his boots and sprayed on some cologne. "buddy, how do i look?" when buddy just stared at him, mateo's hand shot up to his mouth. "shit, i should probably brush my teeth. don't want to look bad in front of marjan." 

the clock turned 9:30 p.m. when mateo pulled up to the bar, his stomach feeling off. his heart pounded as he spotted marjan, grace and judd talking and he smiled softly when he saw marjan laughing at something judd said. 

fuck, hasn't he fallen hard? mateo hopped out of his car and ran over to his friends. 

"guys! what's up?'' marjan smiled at him, a genuine smile. as if she was happy he was here now. 

"just waiting on you, probie," marjan joked. mateo shook his head. 

"c'mon. by the time i end up in this damn bar, i'll be dead." grace slapped judd's arm at his comment. 

"judd, be nice." judd just smiled down at his wife before placing a kiss on her lips. the four walked in and immediately saw the rest of their crew, along with michelle's ems team and half of carlos' precinct. 

"hey y'all," grace greeted, the rest of the crew welcoming them. 

"what took you guys forever?" michelle asked, her voice was always soft which is what all of them loved about her. 

"marjan just had to wait for her boyfriend, mateo, here," judd spoke, rolling his eyes before pulling out a seat for grace and standing behind her, rubbing her shoulders in a soothing matter, just the way his wife liked it. mateo blushed but shoved it off. 

"hey, who's this?" marjan asked, changing the topic and was gesturing to ethan who stood next to carlos. carlos smiled proudly. 

"oh, him? this is my boyfriend, ethan. ethan meet the 126. that's marjan, mateo, judd, captian strand, and his son tk," carlos pointed to all of them. 

"boyfriend, huh? why didn't you ever tell me you had a new partner, cowboy?" nancy asked. carlos just shrugged. 

"i'm gonna go get some mineral water. i'll be right back," tk suddenly spoke up. they nodded at him. 

"have fun princess." 

"fuck off judd," tk's voice was harsh before he got up to leave. 

"what's his problem, cap?" paul asked. owen inhaled. 

"don't know. he's saying how he wants to go back to new york, though. i'm hestiant," owen said. 

"why's that, captian?" parker, one of carlos' buddies, questioned. 

"he's going to get into trouble. he hangs out with the wrong crowd. and, he says he just wants to see his friends." 

"what's so bad about his friends, mr. strand?" owen looked at carlos' boyfriend. 

"they're drug dealers, but - just forget i said anything." they nodded and all went into their own conversations. carlos' arm wrapped around ethan's waist the whole time. tk came back, a little while later, though. he didn't look like himself but he still had a cup of mineral water in his hand. 

"tk," paul whispered, although he was speaking reguarly. with the loud music, it sounded like he was muttering. 

"yeah paul?" 

"you alright? your hands are shaking," paul noted. tk smirked at him, making a 'come here' gesture. 

"i'm high," he said, dragging out the 'h', giggling. 

"tk, i have to-" tk gave him puppy eyes. 

"don't tell daddy, please, paul," tk begged, tears welling up in his eyes. paul clenched his jaw, shaking his head in his hands. 

"just be safe, kid," paul said with a pat on the shoulder before getting up to talk to nancy and tim. tk sighed, downing his mineral water again before looking at ethan. sure, he was a good looking guy, he seemed pretty great. but tk just wished he could be him right now, all wrapped up in carlos' arms. that grey feeling, it was coming back and the singular opiodid he took wasn't helping. he sniffled, getting up. he walked over to the bar, looking up at a girl who's name tag read addison. he smiled softly at her. 

"hey, what can i get ya this evenin'?" she asked, her texan accent was strong. he clenched his jaw. 

"can i have a grey goose, when you get the chance, of course," tk asked. he always did this, buttered up the waitresses to get a discount. but even though, tk was gay, he can't lie. those women are hot. a few minutes later, his grey goose was passed to him. he nodded at addison as a thank you. he looked at the vodka before putting the cup up to his lips and downing it. this wasn't a mistake. well, it was but what did tk care? 

"there you go buddy!" some guy shouted, before another shot glass was passed to him. tk couldn't stop himself. his throat was burning, he knew he was drunk. barely drunk though. he looked back at carlos. he looked so happy, so fuckin' happy. fucking ethan. he stole his boyfriend right from him - but, carlos wasn't tk's. he made it obvious he didn't want anything serious. 

tk fucked it up, as per usual. then, he spotted some guy harassing addison. he slowly grew fond of her these past ten minutes. tk swallowed. this wasn’t a good idea but when did tk strand have good ideas? 

“hey, asshole! why don’t you leave her alone? she obviously doesn’t want you nor like you. i mean,” tk stopped to laugh. “why would she?” the man, who was later identified as allan marsh, narrowed his eyes. he walked up to tk, getting close enough to his face that tk could smell the sweet scent of tequila coming from his breath. 

“the hell you just say to me, fag?” allan pushed. tk smiled. 

“you’re an asshole. ain’t nobody ever gonna love you big guy.” tk was good at provoking people, a bad skill. 

“i’d suggest you shut the fuck up twat,” the threat was clear but tk didn’t care. when did he ever? 

“or what?” allan clenched his jaw and swung at tk, missing his head when he ducked. 

**ccc**

”owen, look at that!” michelle said. everyone stopped and looked at the fight that was going on. carlos and ethan stopped dancing. 

“uhh, cap, where’s tk?” tim asked, nervously now gnawing on the inside of his cheek. 

“yeah, kick him!” a shout was heard. 

“the faggot got what he deserved!” a roar of laughter was heard as another crash was heard. 

“leave him alone!” the bartender yelled but no one listened to her though 

“holy shit,” owen swore. their group ran over to the circle and the scene was horrible. tk, on the ground wrestling with a huge man. blood was splattered everywhere. a guy kicked tk, causing him to cough up blood which splattered over allan’s face. 

“tk!” carlos yelled, shoving through the crowd, leaving ethan alone. 

“carlos! carlos, come back right now!” ethan yelped, stomping his foot. carlos didn’t listen and was paying attention to getting on top of allan, handcuffing him. everyone stopped screaming, hell even the music stopped. tk moaned, eyes struggling to stay open. 

what a fool. 

“tk, oh my god!” carlos spoke, running to his side, cradling tyler’s face in his hand and feeling for a pulse. he could feel tears well up into his eyes. “ty, why would you do this?” carlos’ voice was quiet. michelle, tim and nancy all ran up to tk, performing what they’re good at. ethan glared at tk even though he was injured, ethan didn’t care. damn, was tk gonna get it for this. 

owen stared at his son, he couldn’t move. he was paralyzed. tears ran down his face, his heart was deep in his stomach now. owen couldn’t trust tk anymore. 

he’s really done it now. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi everyone! i hope you enjoyed even tho this seems unrealistic i guess. i got the idea from the beginning of it chapter two w adrian and the guys who were beating him up. stay safe, wash your hands. 
> 
> love you all,  
> bria.


	4. chapter three - spinning out of control

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tk and owen talk about his problems. owen is hit with shocking news and michelle is having a hard time dealing with her feelings.

_lies, lies, lies._

that seems to be all that tk strand has been spitting lately. owen hated to say it, hated to see the hurt look on his son’s face whenever he had to admit that he was disappointed. tk was a good kid, don’t get owen wrong, but he expected more from him. now owen was sitting in the waiting room of la’s er patiently waiting for his son to come out. it was 2 in the morning and damn, was owen exhausted. he didn’t even know if tk was okay - wait what? of course tk wasn’t okay! owen wasn’t the brightest in the early hours of the day.

tk just got almost murdered by this 40 year old drunk and owen really thought tyler was going to come out of this... _okay_? owen huffed and ran a hand down his face, little studs of hair growing around his jawline and chin. the rest of the 126 along with michelle’s crew have been there. they were on the edge; they didn’t know what to anticipate. 

mateo was sipping heavily on water to attempt to calm his pounding heart and high anxiety. he was scared, for tk and himself. he had a whole plan for marjan and now he’s in the hospital waiting for his older brother to get checked out. without noticing, he was staring at marjan, a sad and worried tint in his gorgeous brown eyes. his eye bags had been heavy, almost as if teo hasn’t slept in days. 

“see some you like, probie?” paul played, snapping mateo out of his thoughts. 

“sorry - sorry, what?” mateo questioned, finally zoning back in. 

“you were staring at marjan buddy,” judd added, joining paul in annoying mateo. mateo could feel his face flush out of embarrassment. 

“jus’ zoned out, i guess.” the boys nodded and mateo looked at marjan warily. marjan gave him a small smile. 

_it’s now or never_ , _teo_ , he thought. he inhaled. 

“hey, marjan, can i... talk to you?” marjan grinned. 

“no, probie, you can’t,” marjan said, sarcasm sewn into her tone. 

“oh,” mateo sighed, disappointed. 

“i’m just busting your chops. what’s up teo?” she asked, placing her hands in her pockets and walking over to him. 

“i don’t know really how to put this but,” mateo bit his lip and looked to the ground, avoiding marjan’s gaze. “i think you’re really pretty and i like you, more than friend.” mateo finally looked up, meeting marjan’s eyes, which were wide in shock. “i’m sorry! i uh - it’s completely fine if you don’t feel the same. i understand.”

marjan then let out a laugh, making mateo attempt to hide himself, and his face turning a pretty color of crimson. 

“damn, teo, you really are oblivious,” marjan rolled her eyes. mateo was taken aback. 

“what do you mean, marjan?” marjan smiled at him. 

“i like you too, dummy.” mateo flashed a smile, a happy one. 

“really?” 

“i didn’t ever think you would’ve noticed, to be completely honest with you teo. but now, that you’ve opened your eyes, i can do this,” marjan remarked. she closed her eyes, pulling mateo close to her and placing her lips on his. mateo clenched his jaw in shock before pulling marjan by her waist and slowly kissing her back. they forgot they were in a hospital at two in the morning with their crew - their family. 

“wow, mateo! look at you go,” paul said, following by wolf howls from tim and nancy. judd slapped him over the head. 

“shut up, dumbass. they were having a moment. can’t you see?” judd scowled. paul just laughed and waved his hand at the new lovebirds, turning away to get more coffee. 

**ddd**

as carlos and ethan arrived back to carlos’ place, ethan stopped his boyfriend before he got out and locked the doors. 

“‘los, i gotta talk to you about something. and it’s important, okay?” carlos nodded at ethan, letting him go on although his heart stuttered at ‘los’. that had been what tk always called him. never carlos, unless it had been when they were saying goodbye. “what the hell was that back there?” carlos could feel ethan’s anger radiating off of him. 

“i don’t understand,” carlos simplified. ethan exhaled, frustrated. 

“what do you mean you don’t understand? you just ran into the middle of a fight just like that! you could’ve gotten hurt and for what? to save that sag of shit who got himself into that position in the first place? who’s your boyfriend, carlos? me or that moron? me, right? then don’t do some crazy shit like that again,” ethan yelled, his tone gradually getting louder. carlos clenched his jaw again.

“e, don’t talk about tk like that. and it’s my job -”

”no, carlos! you weren’t on the job so there was no reason for you to do that.”

“what did you want me to do? just watch him get beaten up?”

”yes! maybe then he would’ve learned his lesson!” 

“what’s your deal, ethan? why are you throwing a shit fit right now?” that was it. ethan threw a cold hand across carlos’ warm cheek, the sound ringing in the air while carlos let out a yelp of shock and pain. carlos eyes met ethan’s, eyes red filled with boiling anger. 

“don’t talk to me like that. is that understood?” carlos rolled his eyes, opening the door to get out of the car before ethan yanked on his shirt, choking him and pulling him back. “i said, is that understood?”

”yes,” carlos spoke. he hated it. he hated feeling vulnerable and useless like this. a faint red hand mark appeared on carlos’ tanned cheek. 

“yes what?”

”yes... ethan?” ethan scoffed at carlos’ response. 

“yes, sir. say fucking sir,” ethan said, poison dripping from his lips. 

“yes, fucking sir.” ethan huffed before letting go of carlos’ shirt and after the door slammed shut, ethan sped off into the night, leaving carlos wondering what the fuck just happened. 

**ddd**

”family of tyler strand?” the 126 stood up immediately, all racing over to the doctor. the doctor chuckled, "wow. he must have a huge family." the doctor analyzed the group of people that were worriedly standing in front of them. 

"well?" marjan asked, her hand placed firmly on her hip. the doctor clenched his teeth. 

"well, it's nothing major but nothing minor either. he has a concussion so i recommend him only sleeping three hours at a time. along with bruises and cuts. i doubt they will scar though. he also has many bruised ribs so he's going to have a week off of his job. another thing, he was intoxicated while this all took place along with him being slightly high meaning his system is still a bit messy," doctor glitten explained. owen furrowed his eyebrows. 

"i'm sorry, doctor but what exactly do you mean he was intoxicated?" 

"from our blood tests, it shows he's drunk but barely. he must've had some alcohol meanwhile at the bar and we found a bag of opioids in his pocket so i'm assuming that's what he's high off of." owen exhaled harsh at that, shaking his head. was he fucking pissed. 

"can we see him?" grace asked. judd nodded at his wife. 

"yeah, when can we go see pretty boy?" doctor glitten chuckled. 

"i'm thinking that he's still sleeping but you can go visit him now. he's on the second floor, room 6b." 

"thank you, doc," michelle said as tk's family ran to his room, all excited to see their boy. 

owen was baffled and pissed off. he was disappointed, shocked and in awe. tk was sober, he was supposed to stay that way. where did owen go wrong? what other demons is tyler kennedy dealing with? why won't his son open up to him anymore? why would he do something so stupid like this? owen thought he was happy, owen thought he was getting better but the last two weeks owen has no shitting idea what happened. tk fell apart and owen failed to see that, owen failed as a father. how did he not see something was wrong? 

_stupid, stupid, stupid._

the memory of watching his son get beat replays in his head, the memory of finding him almost dead on his apartment floor, the memory of tk’s first overdose. some many memories. the memory of owen holding him for the first time. the memory of seeing tk silently cry during their divorce in the court room. the memory of tk telling him about his addiction. the memories of his son hugging him. the memory of tk when he came out. the memory of watching tk grow up, the worst of them all. the memory of having to watch his kid, his son, his world, get torn apart mentally. 

as owen walked into the room 6b, he could feel his heart stop, breath leaving his body. there laid his son, who was wide awake, bruises littering his face. he was smiling at something tim said. mateo and marjan were sitting next to each other. everyone stopped talking once they noticed owen was standing in the doorway. 

“hi dad,” tk uttered. tk clenched his jaw, he was scared. he didn’t want to have to face the reality that he fucked up yet again. tk might as well just be called ‘the fuck up’ at this point. owen smiled softly at him, sensing tk’s fear. it was a reassuring smile, or so it was supposed to be. 

“hey, son. do you guys mind if we have a minute?” owen looked around at everyone, eyes pleading. 

“of course not, cap. we’ll be right outside,” grace said. 

“owen, please.” grace nodded at that. everyone got up and slowly exited, owen moving away from the doorway to inside of tk’s room before closing it. owen slowly made his way over to tk, sighing softly before forcefully grabbing tk’s hand and squeezing it. tk didn’t say anything but his look said it all. his eyes pleading, his eyebrows saying that he was stressed. he was sorry. of course tk was. he ruined everyone’s night. tk’s hand found its way to the sheets and began playing with a loose string. 

“why?” tk looked confused. was that all owen really had to say? 

“what? dad, i’m confused.” 

“tk, why? why would you do this? why don’t you talk to me anymore? why do you keep doing this to me? why did you intoxic yourself? why didn’t you ask me for help? why? just... _why_?” tears welled up into both strand’s eyes. 

“i’m scared, daddy. i’m sick of everything. i’m scared and tired of disappointing you. it’s like, it’s like i can never do anything right anymore. all i’m doing is embarrassing you, being a shit son. i jus’ want to make you proud daddy,” tk hiccuped. owen’s face softened. 

“you do make me proud baby, just not when you do stuff like this. it scared me. i can’t afford loosing the most important thing to me. i love you, tk,” owen said. his voice was soft. 

“i love you too, dad. and that’s not all either.” 

“well, what else is there?” tk inhaled a shaky breath, heart beating slightly faster. tk hadn't been in the mood to talk to owen about everything right now, but at least he knows a bit of his problems. tk gave him sad, puppy eyes. 

"do you mind if i tell you later? i don't really think a hospital is best for this conversation," tk told owen. owen nodded and stared at his son. he almost completely forgot about tk's relapse and began thinking of how long it's been. it's been 26 years - almost 27 - since tk was born. since owen had the chance to hold his only son in his arms, to admire him. he no longer cared about anything else, besides gwen and his job, of course. tk had always been the most important thing to him and he doubt tk would ever know how much he truly loves him. tk licked his lips before zoning out on his hands which had been shaking. 

"okay..." owen trailed off. "actually, i need to talk to you about something." tk nodded at his father, waiting for him to continue. "what the hell happened between you and that cop? when you got knocked out, carlos beat the shit out of him. carlos could loose his badge for it if the man wanted to press charges, speaking of, i don't even know what happened to carlos. ethan dragged him out of there really fast when we all went to check on you. he seemed pretty pissed." tk could feel his stomach turn at the mention of carlos and his blood boil at the mention of ethan. 

"nothin'. we uh, we decided to spilt ways, i guess." tk's voice had been sad as if it wasn't sad before. owen quickly put two and two together: carlos must've left or something, that's why he was acting so upset these past two weeks. and that's why carlos has been looking at tk with almost tears in his eyes, why tk would always avoid carlos whenever he dropped by at the station. 

"is this what you wanted?" as the question left owen's mouth, tk let out a heart wrenching sob, dragging his shaking hands up to his face to cover it. "fuck, tk." he pulled tk into his shoulder. owen could feel tears soak into his jacket, making it slightly wet. 

"i fucked up so b - bad, dad. you don't even k - kn - know," tk hiccuped. owen just held tk tighter, feeling his body tremble. 

owen needed to get to the bottom of this. 

**ddd**

"owen strand?" a familiar nurse called into the waiting room. she spotted owen and gave him a small smile. owen had waved and got up from his seat, closing the magazine and putting his phone in his back pocket. he's done this so many times, been here way too much, it almost felt like a second home to him. and it shouldn't have. owen shouldn't have cancer, he didn't deserve it — no one did. yet here captain owen strand is, walking into his next chemo appointment only to be hit with news that will _crush_ his world. 

"hey doc," he said, a smile playing on his face, one she didn't return. 

"good afternoon, owen," she didn't make eye contact with him. lucy ferald has always had a hard time with this, it's always been hard. how are you going to look someone in their eyes and tell them they're dying from cancer? how are you going to tell them an estimate of how long to live? shit, she chose this job and has been doing it for around 16 years. it seems to get harder everything. 

"is, uh, somethin' wrong doc?" owen asked, trying to read her. owen has a sense of what's going on, but he didn't want to assume the worst. she looked down and cleared her throat. 

"yeah, actually. there is," she stated. fuck, she hated this. and owen was such a genuine, good man. hell he fought fires and saved people from car pile ups. he shouldn't be dying from this stupid fucking cancer. 

"what's wrong?" owen looked at her and she despised how worried and concerned he looked for her. he shouldn't care for how she feels, she doesn't even know him, he doesn't know her, yet he does. owen, of course, cares for her and her well-being. after all, she's the one looking out for him. she opened a file and clicked around a couple of times before turning her computer to show him. 

"you see the mass, owen?" owen nodded slowly at her. now, he was getting scared. he knew what was happening. he was acutally dying. this disease is going to be the thing that takes his life away - not old age, not him dying from a fire doing what he loves, cancer is what's going to wipe owen from existence. “it’s the tumor. technically, we can try to remove it with surgery but we can only do so much and the tumor will regrow back. at this rate, i need your consent. do you accept the surgery or leave it at that?” 

“rhetorically speaking, what will happen if i don’t take the surgery?” owen’s leg was bouncing up and down, a habit he has whenever he’s nervous, overwhelmed or scared. lucy sighed. 

“well, i’m afraid you’ll pass within two years.” owen gulped. this shit was getting real now. 

“can you maybe give me time to think this over?” owen’s heart was racing, his hands are sweating and his knees are weak. he doesn’t know if he can walk. he’s _terrified_. 

“of course owen! you’re free to go, call me if you need anything.” owen nodded at lucy and wobbled out. 

lucy sighed heavily. the hard part was over — for now, at least. 

**ddd**

buttercup jumped up when he heard the keys jiggling and the front door opening. either tk or owen were home now and buttercup was going to give them a bunch of attention. buttercup walked over to the front door and saw a distress owen. 

“hey buttercup,” owen uttered. he closed the door and locked it and then continued to walk over in the direction buttercup was in. owen sat on the cold, hard kitchen floor, back resting up against the island counter that stood still in the center of his kitchen. buttercup came up to him and licked his face, whining attempting to find out what was wrong and why his owner was upset. 

“you know, i never truly thought it would come to this. i never thought the reason i’m dying is because of damn lung cancer. never anticipated it. now, here we are, boy.” tears were begging to be released from owen’s eyes. they stung and when owen blinked they had came down, rushing like a dam that had been broken. owen quietly sobbed. 

“i - i’m scared buttercup. i don’t want to die. i know, i could die any time any random day but knowing when i’m going to, knowing if this surgery that i don’t even know if i’m gonna accept is when i die. i don’t want to. i’m scared what’s gonna happen after. i won’t see you, or tk, or michelle ever again. i won’t get to live anymore or do what i love. i know i put my life on the line everyday but it’s - it’s so scary. god, i don’t know what i’m going to do at this point,” owen cried. buttercup snuggled in between owen’s legs and rested his face on his slouched shoulder, just the way owen liked it. 

“what’s gonna happen to tk? i’m scared to tell him. i don’t know how he’s gonna react. he’s going through so much but i promised i’d tell him if anything ever came up. that boy is my entire world. shit if i die, i don’t want anything to happen to him. i can’t protect him, save him and even though i can’t get rid of his demons, i just, i don’t know.” he sniffled, ruffling buttercup’s soft coat of fur. he was getting tired, eyes drooping. who knew crying could make you so tired? 

soon enough, owen was asleep along with buttercup, tears still falling down his slightly damp cheeks. 

they weren’t going to be okay, but they will eventually, right? 

**ddd**

michelle blake was in love. everything about this sickened her. she promised herself she wouldn’t fall for anyone but when she started dancing with owen strand at the bar the first night they’ve met, she must’ve tripped on the rug that was in the bar or something because it seems as if she has a couple of bruises from it. 

she couldn’t pick herself up. every time she saw him, every time they were on a call, she fell deeper into the black hole. 

she couldn’t escape him either. it was impossible. owen has always been there, usually a smile on his face. michelle fancied how caring and loving owen was. she fancied how much he loves his son. she fancied his smile, his laugh, his eyes. she fancied how much pride he holds because of his hair and his skin care routine that he wasn’t even bothered when someone made fun of him for it. 

she fancied everything, she fancied the idea of him. 

michelle didn’t want to fall this deep because eventually, she’ll loose him, just like her father and her sister and she couldn’t deal with that. she couldn’t afford to loose another thing she loved. 

she doubt owen even liked her back and when she brought it up to carlos, he only replied with, “chica, you’re blind.” what did that mean?

michelle was in deep and she was in trouble. she couldn’t get out of the water now. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok i’m sorry this shit is so late but hahHhaha i was busy and shit and i pulled two all nighters attempting to finish this along w my school work and damn am i tired. excuse all the errors and mistakes if there is any, i reread it many times and it looked good enough to post soo. also, i felt as if in the show, the writers didn't address owen's cancer correctly. i feel like tk should've had a worse reaction then he did, maybe that's just me. another thing, i really want to get into detail with ALL of the characters and their feelings and i want to create character development in a way so i’m trying to make long chapters (plus, i hate short chapters lol whoops) to fit a lot of different events and plots in 
> 
> anyways 
> 
> love you all,  
> bria.


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